100 Exploits of a Real Man (Positive Article)

100 exploits of a real man - a small positive article to raise the mood and so that there was an extra minute to remember the old days)

All of us in life have met with different situations and adventures, but a funny list of the exploits of a real man has been compiled. So, we consider who has already accomplished how many feats and write the results in the comments!

And so let's start:

1. To be born.

2. Get over mumps.

3. Hate fish oil.

4. Fight in the sandbox over a toy car.

5. Pee against the wind.

6. Learn to wiggle your ears.

7. Break the glass in the school principal's office with a well-aimed slingshot.

8. In a physical education lesson, hide in the girls' locker rooms and be expelled from there with a squeal.

9. With the help of a mirror placed on the toe of the shoe, make sure that the first beauty of the class really wears red panties.

10. Get a "count" (one) with two negative behaviors.

11. Drink a glass of vodka without eating. Due to the fact that the young body is not yet familiar with alcohol poisoning, vodka is drunk like water, which you, with surprise and pride, inform your more experienced comrades, who only laugh, knowing perfectly well what will happen next.

12. Get alcohol poisoning. Swear never to drink again in your life and become an oath-breaker in a week.

13. Try weed.

14. Finally lose your innocence.

15. To deprive someone of innocence. Representatives of the same sex and animal world do not count!

16. Beat the girl from a friend.

17. When the parents go on vacation, gather a huge company at home, destroy the apartment, including the collectible crystal, sit behind the wheel of his father's car in the morning (there are 15 passengers in the cabin and trunk) and drive into the nearest lamp post.

18. Pass the exam in English (physics, economics) for your friend.

19. Have silent sex with a classmate when her parents are sitting in the next room and think that you are preparing for the exam.

20. To have a married mistress much older than yourself, which is very proud.

21. Caught by the mistress's husband at the scene of the crime, go down the drainpipe in his underpants and, getting home, pretend to be an athlete of the Trudovye Rezervy society.

22. Take a trip to the Black Sea by hitchhiking.

23. Spend the night on the beach and have sex in the waves, almost drowning your partner.

24. With a bottle of wine in hand and in beach slippers, climb an unapproachable rock from the sea, overtaking amazed climbers in full gear and on the road on the way.

25. Having emptied a canister of dry wine on a nudist beach, go to the city for an additive and only on the main street find that he forgot to put on his swimming trunks.

26. Drink 15 beers for a bet, thus winning another 15 beers.

27. Call at 5 in the morning on a random phone and bark into the receiver: "Why are you awake ?!"

28. Cover the neighbor's door peephole with mastic so that she does not spy on who you came home with tonight and in what condition.

29. In slippers on bare feet, go out into the yard for bread and return a week later, having visited Sochi and Astrakhan.

30. Send a postcard from Astrakhan to a friend with a reminder of last year's fleeting meeting at the resort, written with grammatical errors and female handwriting. The last phrase: "Our Sasha (named after you) is already holding her head."

31. On the Astrakhan-Moscow train, sell your Swiss watch (a birthday present) to the conductor for 3 bottles of vodka and 2 fresh cucumbers.

32. Appoint three different girls for the same hour and at the last moment go with friends to the football "Spartak" - "Dynamo".

33. After a football match, stand in the way of the column of "Spartak" fans, unfold a colorful banner with a vegetarian inscription "Down with the meat!"

34. Go to a bar where bikers gather, pull the fattest man by the hair, spit in a mug of beer, jump out into the street, knock down a whole row of motorcycles on the ground and calmly wait for the consequences. Don't forget to call an ambulance! And then consult a psychiatrist.

35. Arrange an orgy with all the ex-girlfriends and the sexiest one to hand over a valuable gift to the applause of the rest.

36. Buy a girlfriend in a sex shop edible underwear. Eat with a beer.

37. Inflate several colored condoms, like balloons, and solemnly present them to the neighbor's son.

38. Persuade your girlfriend to tattoo your name on her buttocks.

39. Be a witness at the wedding of your best friend: lose your wedding rings at the last moment, make a witty toast, that your friend is now a complete man, whisper loudly at the table, pointing at the bride's mother: "This is what your wife will become", pinch for the buttocks of the witness, trying to cope with hiccups with the help of breathing exercises and acrobatic sketches, singing a bawdy ditty from the stage into the microphone, falling to the floor while dancing, without even trying to group, finally falling asleep, dropping his head into a salad bowl.

40. Take a bus tour of Europe; exploring Paris, start tasting French wine and wake up the next day under a bridge on the banks of the Seine in the company of some clochards.

41. In Hamburg, for a long time to bargain with a prostitute in broken German, until she swears in purely Russian: "Well, I got a goat!"

42. Having drunk beer in Munich, frighten passers-by on the street with shouts: "Hitler kaput!" and "Hyundai Hoh!"

43. In the Vatican, take part in a picket of fighters for the legalization of abortion. Request a personal audience with the Pope.

44. Swim in clothes and shoes in the famous Roman Trevi fountain.

45. Fall in love at first sight and before memory loss.

46. ​​To present a bouquet of flowers to the subject of his adoration at three o'clock in the morning, to cut off the entire botanical garden, including rare specimens of Katevbinsky rhododendron.

47. Climb with these rhododendrons on the fire escape to the fifth floor, confuse the window, scaring an old woman suffering from insomnia half to death, wake up the whole house and spend the rest of the night in the police.

48. Marry

49. Divorce.

50. Seduce your boss's secretary right on his polished desk. Do not wipe the polish!

51. Conclude a contract with Egypt for the supply of quartz sand from quarries near Moscow.

52. At a New Year's corporate party, dress up in a Snow Maiden costume and get into the image so much that you will use exclusively women's toilet during the whole holiday, and at the end of the day you will definitely offer your boss sexual services.

53. Going to a porn site, grab a virus that will disable the entire computer network of the company.

54. During the lunch break, secretly enter the design bureau and on the poster of David Duchovny with Gillian Andersen, decorating the workplace of the designer Olya, depict a mustache and beard, an adhesive plaster pasted with a cross, a tattoo "I love Olya" (on David Duchovna's face).

55. Make a report at the feminist congress on the topic: "Is a woman a man?"

56. To star in the television talk show "Me Myself!" in the role of a leader.

57. To patent the invention "22 ways to open beer bottles."

58. At a corporate party in honor of Women's Day, slam the cork of champagne so that the chief accountant Evdokia Ski the ram was taken away in an ambulance with a diagnosis of traumatic injury to the eyeball by a rapidly flying object.

59. Come to a reunion dressed like a bum. To please your beloved chemistry teacher with your appearance, who always said that "nothing worthwhile will come of this fool."

60. Letting go of a mustache and beard while on vacation, sunbathing heavily and shaving before going to work.

61. Let go of the mustache with a brush and walk like that for a couple of months, asking everyone in a row: "Do I look like Charlie Chaplin?"

62. Hang a Britney Spears poster in your closet - upside down.

63. Have sex for money. For a woman to pay.

64. On the City Day, take part in a marathon race. Freshen up on the way at 12 bars and finish in the top ten.

65. After a party in a nightclub, arrange a high-speed test drive with your new car, mobilizing the entire city traffic police in pursuit. When arrested, declare: "If it weren't for this garbage can, you would never have caught up with me."

66. To lie in bed for a week without leaving home. Explain to everyone that you are taking part in the hypokinesia experiment as you prepare to become an astronaut.

67. To be late for the start of the cosmic cortex {censorship} and the question "Where have you been?" answer: "Who will go for" Klinsky? "

68. Take part in a karaoke competition. Every time, regardless of the melody, sing "Batyan Kombat".

69. Watch the film "The Matrix" six times in a row and learn to run on the ceiling with the help of willpower.

70. Bring your girlfriend to a strip bar, ask her to arrange a striptease on the table, and immediately spend the earned money on other strippers.

71. Show striptease yourself.

72. Reprogram the signal of the "mobile phone" of the head of her department, while she is in the toilet, to the melody of the cancan "When I was playing football at the gymnasium school, I missed my own goals, param-pam-pam!"

73. To her on the computer, as a picture on the desktop, download a frame: the Italian porn star Cicciolina copulates with a huge Great Dane.

74. Secretly record on a tape recorder the sounds that your girlfriend makes at the moment of orgasm, and make this recording the background for greeting the home auto responder: "Hello. Unfortunately, no one can answer the phone at the moment ..."

75. Make a walking trip across the United States in boots, crimson trousers, a silk blouse and a cap with earflaps with an asterisk of the Kantemirovsk division in the forehead. Lead the bear on the chain, offer vodka to everyone.

76. Meet George W. Bush and give him vodka so that he abandons the Strategic Defense Initiative.

77. Wake up in bed with Madonna.

78. Exchange all the gold of Montezuma with the Indians for fire water (produced by the "Crystal" plant).

79. Bring chewing gum to your girlfriend as a gift from America.

80. Sink on the Mir-1 bathyscaphe to the Titanic and yell in a bad voice, "May hart will go it!" from the beginning to the end. Without words.

81. Give your girlfriend a reproduction of "La Gioconda", informing that the author of this picture is Leonardo DiCaprio himself.

82. On the Great Wall of China, write with an aerosol can: "Freedom for Tibet!"

83. Write on the Kremlin wall with white oil paint: "Spartacus is the champion!"

84. In Mexico to drink tequila, in Cuba - rum, in France - brandy, in Scotland - whiskey, in Japan - sake - just to once again be convinced of the superiority of Russian vodka.

85. Take a sex tour to Thailand.

86. Bring a girl into the room and find that she is a tranny.

87. Swallow the heart of a freshly gutted cobra, washed down with its own blood and whiskey.

88. Stick your head into the mouth of a crocodile. Or visit a dentist. Choose whichever is easier.

89. In order not to dig a garden at the mother-in-law's dacha, offer your services as a garden scarecrow.

90. Catch a fish smaller than a fishing hook in a stinking river, scientifically explaining this miracle of nature to the assembled onlookers.

91. Get fire by rubbing stick on stick.

92. Bring a basket full of fly agarics and pale toadstools from the forest. Give the mother-in-law to the kitchen.

93. Remove amateur porn with your girlfriend and, secretly from her, replicate the record on the Internet.

94. Have a mistress 20 years younger than yourself. Only upon reaching the age of 36!

95. Become the CEO of a large firm.

96. Hire your former boss as a personal chauffeur.

97. Lose all your fortune in preference.

98. Fall overboard and find yourself on a desert island.

99. Become the leader of a wild tribe.

100. Run for president. Win an election in the first round.